On Redemption, Reaping, and Restraint
Wednesday August 7, 2019
My postpartum season was, in short, an unearthing. So many deeply-rooted lies, fears, anxieties, and suppressed emotions from my youth began erupting from dormant places of my heart - uncomfortable feelings I didn’t even consciously realize I was carrying. Several months into my maternity leave, I kept feeling the same disorienting wave of anxiety crash over me every time I thought about going back to work. A tightening in my chest when I’d wonder if I could truly achieve work-life balance, a pit in my stomach when I’d worry that Haley might feel abandoned, a nervous churning when I’d doubt that I could be the mama she needs while running a business. But at the same time, I knew that I’d been made, as we all have, with multidimensional gifts and talents - for a purpose that includes but isn’t limited to motherhood.
The redemption of my postpartum story is still being written, but I do know that one of the greatest freedoms I’ve experienced this season has been from the lies I’ve internalized about work and motherhood: that doing both well is an impossibility, that to pursue one will always be to the detriment of the other. Instead, I’m learning that it is a gift to work, to use our hands and minds and talents to create beautiful and useful things in the world - but also that our work can only be fulfilling to the extent that it allows us to prioritize our families. These truths anchor us as we consider our next steps: is that road ahead the one we’re being called to? and, will the pursuit of this path facilitate or hinder our ability to be loving wives and mothers, and also, sisters and friends?
As we practice restraint during this particular chapter of Our Heiday, we’re reminded that there is a time for sowing and a time for reaping. Both in our personal lives and as a company, we’re reaping the abundant harvest of the previous season, laying down seed for the next. Through it all, I’m grateful for the wisdom we’ve gained as we trek along this rambling path, knowing that we’re never alone. It can feel frustrating to be in this period of waiting, but if I’ve learned anything in my postpartum upheaval, it’s that unexpectedly lovely things grow from hard and rocky places.